GOODELL FAMILY LETTERS- #15
 

Anson to Parents

                                                                                    Camp at Fort Stevenson
June 14, 1863

Dear Father and Mother

            Another Sabbath has come in its weekly round and finds me and our company in our new place. We are garrisoning a fort excited by the contrabands which is to have an armament of five guns the Captain tells us. It is on the Neuse about 1-1/4 miles from the City and named in honor of Col Stephenson of the 21^st Mass. Vols now Brig. Gen commanding a brigade at Port Royale S.C. He is the one that would rather see the country ruined than to make a soldier of the Negro [sp.] and came near being dismissed from the service in disgrace. To reward him for it our senators from the Old Bay State made him Brig. Gen. and turned the noble patriotic self sacrificing cowardice off without any position, thus much for political prejudice. Would to God the “infernal politicians” would lay aside their party game in commissioning our officers no it matters not what are the qualifications of a man if his party principles are satisfactory, he need but ask for an appointment to get a commission. But here I am finding fault again and I am ashamed of it for it is a mark of a poor soldier to be always finding fault and it shown too that my faith in the Higher Power is growing weak.

            I find when disposed to complain of Uncle Sam that my reliance on a higher authority is not steady as it ought to be. To tell the plain truth my faith is not so strong to contend against the united forces of camp associations and the “power of darkness” combined.

            Of late the current has borne me steadily down stream in spite of exertions to keep in the right direction. If I cannot make adjustments I’ll try and keep trying hoping earnestly and exercising what little faith I have that I shall sometime be triumphant and bask in the soul cheering Sunlight of God’s reconcile countenance. I am hoping struggling and praying for this. You know that I have little independence of character and am easily swayed to and fro unless kept by the overpowering influence of Christian association. For this reason I miss so much the prayer and class meetings I used to enjoy so well at home. I fear if Providence allows me to return to my home I shall not sit humbly at the foot of the cross but be a foul traitor to the Blood that brought my pardon on the tree.

            It is a trying place to be when one has nothing but his own conscience to say on Sabbath day “Go to church” or in the morning hour when ushered into the confusion of military life by the drum & fife; to bid him remember God or in the shades of evening when the noisy gable that has been scattered in various duties or sports during the day is called to quarters and one hears nothing scarcely but the tirade of oaths till sleep draws the curtain of unconsciousness over the scene & nothing then but the mild teachings of the Spirit through his own conscience to bid him take his Bible and try to turn his confused mind to meditations & thoughts of a better higher & purer life. It is strange that at times there is not that lively interest in his supplications, that strength to faith which he ought to enjoy? Nothing but patient never ceasing effort would do for the soldiers who would enjoy the assurance that all is well. Pray for us and we will try to mingle our weak faith with yours that God will give us grace for all times and bring us off victors in all our trials.

Your dutiful Sons, A & E

[Written at top of first page]

Our health is first best. The boys are all well and in good spirits. I have just written a letter of acceptance and thanking Co. D to the 5^th M.V. M. for a stove which they have given us. The first coal must have been over $20. Love to Charlie “whole bushel”